The Lum Hat Wantin' The Croon

Words by David Rorie

(Some of the more unusual words are explained below)

The burn was big wi' spate 

And there cam tumblin' doon, 

Topsalterie, the half of a gate 

An auld fish-hake, and a great muckle skate, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon.

The auld wife stood on th' bank, 

As they gied swirlin' roon, 

She took a guid look, and syne says she, 

"There's food and there's firin' gaen tae th' sea, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon!"

So she gruppit th' branch of a saugh, 

And she kickit off ane of her shoon, 

An' she stuck oot her fit, but it caught in the gate, 

An' awa' she went wi' th' great muckle skate, 

An' a lum hat wantin' th' croon!

She floated fu' many a mile, 

Past cottage and village and toon, 

She'd an awfu' time astride of the gate, 

Though it seemed t'gree fine wi' th' great muckle skate, 

And the lum hat wantin' th' croon!

A fisher was waukin' th' deck, 

By the licht of his pipe and th' moon, 

When he sees an auld body astride of a gate, 

Come bobbin' along in the waves wi' a skate, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon!

"There's a man overboard!" cries he, 

"Ye hear?" quo she, "I'll droon! 

A man overboard? It's a wife on a gate! 

It's auld Mistress Mackintosh here wi' a skate, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon!

Was she nippit tae death at th' Pole? 

Has India bakit her broon? 

I canna tell that, but whatever her fate, 

I'll wager ye'll find t'was shared by a gate, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon!

There's a moral attached tae my song: 

On greed ye should aye gie a froon! 

When ye think of the wife that was lost for a gate, 

An auld fish hake and a great muckle skate, 

And a lum hat wantin' th' croon!

-o0o-

tapselterie  = topsy-turvey 

fish-hake = fish fork 

lum hat = top hat 

syne  =next 

saugh = willow 

shoon = shoe 

skate = flat fish 

gree = be in harmony 

nippit = frozen